she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
pray to the hookup gods
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
