The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
