stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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