Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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