sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
