Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
