I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I want a musical about memes.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
