I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
