I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
