If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
