her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
