well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
