Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Randomize
