I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
