Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
