Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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