Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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