goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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