Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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