saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
