if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
