Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Come share oat with me in your robe
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
