She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
