Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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