do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
