wrigley field is MILF paradise
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
