When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
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YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
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I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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