I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
