if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
