Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
