I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Found your dick twin last night
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
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