I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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