I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
