which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
