apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
