redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
