It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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