just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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