the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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