I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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