his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
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You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
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I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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