im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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