I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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