life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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