i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
