i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
