Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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