I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
