ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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