we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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