I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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