No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
