So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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