My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you will always have a special place in my vag
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
