dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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