You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Randomize
