I want to make a zoo with you.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize