I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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